It's 9:47 p.m. as I write this...
I'm flipping exhausted.
Remember back when it was time to go OUT at 10:00 p.m.??? Cripes! What have I become?
Wanna know why I'm so tired????
Because I spent 2 and 1/2 hours up at the school tonight - VOLUNTEERING for my kids' activities.
Cripes, again!
Everything from reading to the class to nature walks to working in the school garden to (eeek) handling reptiles.
WTF? (my mom loves that comment - she can cuss without really cussing)
Where did I go? How did I become a middle aged stay-at-home-mom? Why can I make a mean lasagna now but can't run a half a mile without feeling faint and nauseous?
Did I mention I have to call the exterminator tomorrow? (ADHD is kicking in... sorry) because we have MICE? Ack. Every time I go out to the garage, I see them skittering all over the freakin' place. Ack. Perhaps I'll borrow a reptile from the 3rd grade exhibit to 'take care of business'... :)
Next week I'm going to be 41. (shhhhhhhh) Ally still thinks I'm closer to 80. (ouch)
I don't know which is worse, being 40 and feeling 80 or being 80 and feeling 40. Either way, I'm not sure how it happened. You blink, it's gone.
NOT that I'm saying I want to go back... no. no. no.
It's just strange that these same eyes are looking out of a face that I don't really recognize.
And what the hell are liver spots, by the way?
I guess it beats the alternative.
One of my friends (of my Viviene Westmoreland family) took his own life on August 3rd.
It's been tough.
What to tell the kids?
When do we all feel better?
What to do to help?
Why?
Why?
Why?
One of my Mark's high school buddies said it best at the Memorial service when he said, 'the devil came in and stole my friend in a vulnerable moment.'
He nailed it.
I just wish my friend had seen the devil coming for him. Maybe he could've dodged him.
I've danced with the devil in my past. I'm so glad I made it out alive.
I swear, there's a separate God for idiots and children.
I shouldn't be alive today. (Me, being in the 'idiot' category)
Seeing Danny's face when I told him tonight that I was volunteering for the 'reptile' exhibit at school and hearing him say 'YAY, MOM!' was priceless.
I'm glad the devil decided that I wasn't worth it...
RIP Mark. You are missed every day, my brother.
