Wanna hear something funny?



I went to college to be an art teacher... yup. me.



For those of you that know me now, I'm sure you're making that 'say whaaaat?' face.



Not just because I can no longer draw a stick figure, but because I'm (ahem) not very good with children.



Yup, it's true. I'm not quite sure where or when it happened. I used to LOVE kids. I used to babysit, coach, hang out with and just enjoy being around kids. Now.... not-so-much.



Don't get me wrong... I love my kids. I love my kids friends. I love my friends' kids.



But the rest of 'em????? Oh sweet Jesus.... I don't have the strength for them.



Now, I know that if this blog 'falls into the wrong hands' it has the potential of making me a social pariah.



'What?' 'You don't like kids, you say"

'What kind of a monster are you, anyway?'

'You should be banished to a 'loft' downtown'

'How can you not LOOOOOVE children?"



I'm guessing it's a lot like that Bill Cosby skit that has Jeffrey.... 4 years old... on a plane.. if you don't know it, look it up... it's freakin' hysterical.



Today, I spent most of the day watching other peoples' kids. By choice? No. By necessity? maybe. Because I felt like someone had to? Yes.



I wish I could just let other people parent the way they do and not worry about it. But instead, I take it ALL on. The 'what if's' and the 'Where did they go' and the 'Is he okay' and the 'who's gonna buy him ice cream when everyone else on the street has it, and no adult is here to give him money..." yada, yada, yada.



This 'responsible adult' thing really sucks.

Now what? Indulge me for a moment...

The dying process is a period of time when the body begins to shut down and prepare for death. It's an important period of time for the dying person and their loved ones during which they can express their feelings and show their love. It's a time of preparation for the dying person and their loved ones -- preparing for inevitable loss.
The actual process may be very quick or happen gradually. Recognizing the signs early and feeling confident in the care you provide can ensure this is a special time.



... Special time???? WTF?



For any of you that don't know, my dad is dying.



It may be quick, it may take a while. As the doctor he saw today said, 'cancer is a very personal thing'.



Now, for most people this would be a definite 'boo-hoo' moment. But for me, it's a time of head-scratching and saying, 'huh???'



In April, my Dad was diagnosed with Stage III Esophageal cancer. Sucks, huh? Well, here's the kicker... he could have been cured by now. He CHOSE not to be. Yup, CHOSE.



How do you process something like that? He has chosen death over life. He has chosen a whole lot of nothing over ME. Over my Mom. Over my brother... Over my kids!



How is that even possible?

My kids are awesome.

Hell, I'M awesome!



I know it's HIS decision. I just can't quite understand how he came to that decision.



You know, I almost died once. When I was pregnant with Allison I was told to 'get my affairs in order'. I'll never forget that little conversation. My baby boy isn't even two yet, and here they are telling me that I probably won't live through childbirth.



Yeah, me! Yeah Rick! Yeah, Danny! Yeah Allison!



But here's the deal. No matter what... No matter how... No matter what the circumstance.... I wanted to live...



...for my husband

...for my kids

...for my brother

...for my mom

...for my dad



I couldn't put them through that. I wouldn't put them through that.



Why does my dad feel its okay to do this to me, and my mom and my brother and my kids?



I guess I'll never understand.



But...

yup... always a but....

I forgive him.



it's his choice. it's his life. it's apparently something that's waaay far out of my realm of understanding. And as a very wise friend of mine told me.. Forgiveness is a gift you give someone. You don't wait for a 'return'. You don't wait for a 'thank you'. You simply give a gift and walk away and know that you have done something for someone else. You don't give gifts for yourself. You give gifts for others. Dad, this gift is for you. I forgive you and your decision, no matter how much it hurts the ones that love you. how much it hurts the ones I love.



I forgive you and wish you godspeed.

Okay, this is just funny

Can you say 'Deer in a headlight'? Poor guy had his eyes closed for last year's picture so he overcompensated.... Bwahahahahah -- it never gets old!

Quick quick, there it goes

How does it happen? Where does time go? Why is it that it seems to take about 14 hours to get through dinner, but you blink and your baby is no longer a baby. Sure... she's still got the 'baby fat' and the chubby little cheeks, but that's about where the similarities end. Now she's off at school for 8 hours a day. Now she speaks her mind and has opinions and *corrects* me!

It's such a wonderful feeling when you fall in love with your kids all over again. You realize what astonishing little people they are. There is actually thought that goes on behind that gaze of theirs. I honestly take them for granted. When they have an off day or are acting up, I am so quick to reprimand and 'correct' - but when it comes right down to it... those days are few and far between. I probably have more 'off' days than they do.

Danny is in the process of losing another tooth. He's scared. I don't know why. All I can think of is that it's because his others haven't come in yet. Poor guy is going to look strange when he finally does get teeth. We're going on three years now without front teeth. Thank heaven he's cute!

I can't even remember when Danny was a baby. It seems like soooo long ago. Too long ago.

Guess I'll have to give them extra kisses when they get home!

How does time fly so quickly?

Out with the old, in with the new!

Wow... Almost 10 months have gone by since I last posted. My, how things change.

First and foremost... I am now 40... Yup... BIG milestone. Hard to even imagine! The spouse surprised me and whisked me away to Vegas for my birthday... that was pretty cool. (wish we came back with some extra cash, but hey... we didn't hit the ATM machine so that was a win/win situation). I'd post some pictures, but they all seemed to end up as the 'hold your arm out and take your own portrait' type.

I got my 2nd tattoo (with my mother along for the ride this time). Actually she was the 'designated driver' for bunch of drunk fools out celebrating with me! (Thank you girls of Viviene Westmoreland!)


Ma was definitely a good sport about the entire thing. The last tattoo I got was when I was 23ish and I managed to hide it from her for several months... to her credit back then, her only comment was 'Damn it, you little $hit... you DID get one'


She's come a LONG way! Now she's aiding and abetting!


I think we were *this close* to getting her to get one!



A few other new developments in our household... in no particular order....


Allison can read.


At a 1st+ grade level.

She's five and just started kindergarden. I can't spell things aloud anymore because she knows what I'm spelling... That's a BIG deal in this house. Thankfully Danny is oblivious, but Allison is nosy nosy nosy and wants to know EVERYTHING that is going on. I'm trying to use my rudimentary Spanish... but the dang kid knows that too.


Danny has discovered girls.
My sweet, sweet baby boy is coming home from school with notes from the teacher now... 'Danny had to be asked 2x to keep his hands to himself' and
is having issues with self control' -- ugh.


He's in 2nd grade for pete's sake. What the heck?!?!?


Rick is a rock star.

Well.... Rick wants to be a rock star... he just doesn't want all of the drama that comes along with it. It's funny how having a full time job and a family to support causes you to take some responsibility on... As much as he'd love to be out every night 'gigging' - He's finally getting the fact that he's having trouble having it all.

Well... and then there's that little thing called football season as well.


My mom and dad just moved back to New Hampshire.
I guess that's probably the primary reason I haven't blogged in so long.
It's been one hell of a year.... But more about THAT later.


I'm going to try to ease back into this.. I just got the kids to bed. I just opened a Mich Ultra and I just decided that it's time to watch my shows.


It's nice to be back!

Is it wrong to want a glass of merlot at 8:34 am on a Monday?

So it's 8:35 a.m. now, does THAT make it okay????





A lot of people get really 'jazzed' up for the holiday season. I am definitely NOT one of them.
I see Christmas decorations as 'clutter' - not just in my house, but in my brain.
I see the holidays as a colossal waste of money, time and effort.

Christmas does not bring out the best in people. Am I just jaded? I swear people get nastier this time of year. I don't know if it's the pressure or just the fact that there are more of them out there.
I was at Toys R Us yesterday and you would have thought I was in a war zone. People were fighting over the dumbest things. There was junk EVERYWHERE. I even found something that Allison had asked for from Santa - naturally it was the ONLY one, but it had been battered and bruised and there were pieces missing. I brought it to the front to see if I could get a discount and was number one, DENIED (I guess they can return items for a refund) and number two, TRAMPLED by families with kids in tow. They were vicious about getting to the front of the lines, kids were screaming, I couldn't speak to the manager because she was cleaning up vomit in aisle four and there was a communication barrier between most of the employees and the customers. Fun, fun, fun.





My main goal right now is to not let my kids sense it or think my stress has anything to do with them.





Every morning the kids get up to search for 'Christopher', the elf on a shelf. For those of you who haven't heard of it, the elf is essentially a spy for Santa and every night it hides in a new place in the house for the kids to find. Christopher is the name that they picked out for him. Christopher has been pretty darn creative with his hiding spots (depending on how much wine he's consumed, I'm assuming). Currently he is residing in a flower vase, with a candy cane, on top of the 'fridge. Yesterday he was ensconced in a plant, tomorrow, who knows... The kids get so excited to try and find him every day. They are hysterical.





Right now they are watching 'Iron Man' - which I know is wholly inappropriate - but Daddy promised that they could see it. Yeah, Daddy. Of course, they are not that 'into' it, as they also have bubble wrap to pop - oh what fun. Yet another reason that Mama wants to get her drink on so early in the morning.



Daddy is currently working on a roof down at NASA installing some sort of antenna thing. Naturally the high temp today is going to be 32 with sleet and a wind chill in the 20's. Sweet! He's LOVING life! Tomorrow the temp is supposed to be in the 70's - Houston... gotta love it.

The saving grace for my kids right now is that they have my mom here. They just LOVE their Meme. I swear, she's like the baby whisperer. When she puts the kids to bed they actually sleep! I'm NOT going to let her leave in the Spring.....

Iron Man just ended and Danny was rocking out to 'Iron Man' by Black Sabbath - there was head banging involved and everything.... too funny - Daddy's boy. Party's over, back to work

As my mom would say, 'Merry F&##( Christmas'

:-)

I have NO business being single... let alone a single parent!

Sorry for being such a slacker lately but sheeesh....

Rick has been out of town since Tuesday and it seems as though we have truly gone to 'hell in a hand basket'.

Rick has been working in an alternate universe doing manual labor in Newark (yup, that's Jersey, folks). He's been working installing antennas (antennae?) on top of Continental airlines' terminal to help expedite baggage handling for you and me (the collective 'we') - do you like how I'm embracing change or what???? The only problem is that the poor guy hasn't done manual labor since the day I met him - circa 1993 - and he CERTAINLY hasn't had to do manual labor in conditions where it's "Windy with rain and snow showers. Highs in the low 40s and lows in the upper 20s." - Odds are 2 to 1 that he comes home with a raging case of pneumonia.

Although he was kind of excited the first day (excited enough to take a picture anyway) the excitement has since worn off. The poor guy is weary. He's had a 6:20 am wake up call everyday and has been getting in at 1 and 2 o'clock in the morning. Nope, no typo. The boy has been BUSY!

All that being said. He's basically incommunicado, so I'm flying solo here. (and NOT doing a very good job unfortunately).

In just the time that Rick has been gone, I've managed to get (and get rid of) a dog -(more about THAT story later). Allison has been reprimanded at school for 'not keeping her clothes on' - Danny is running a fever of 103. My ceiling is hanging on by a thread and I am doing the same. Can you believe my doctor told me no more baths? It's killin' me! So not only am I itching like a flea-ridden cur, I can only take a luke-warm shower - no baths allowed. Madness, I say... Madness! For those of you who may not be aware of my oh so personal situation (you MUST be outside of my zip code) I've been diagnosed with having sensitive skin and guttate psoriasis which is embarrassingly itchy. So far nothing has alleviated it but stress certainly aggravates it. yeah, me!

Well... back to the dog thing.... It all started with Laurie and ended with Misty. Long story short we were going to adopt a lab mix, Laurie but... some other folks got her first.

So off we go to a shelter and bring home a dog that we thought was part greyhound, part something or other.... Her name is Misty and we got three different stories about HER story. Things like... her owner left for Iraq and had no other family to she was born there to she was a runaway !?!?!?!?

Well... the kids fell in love (as did I) and after an overnight debate, we brought her home. Fast forward two days and we find out that she's part pit bull, doesn't like men, is verrrrry protective of me and poor Danny is afraid to move in his own house for fear of the dog.

Needless to say, Misty went back to the shelter - which, by the way, is a no-kill shelter so we were convinced that she'd find a new forever home.

*side note* Danny has put Misty's dog tag on his stuffed monkey and sleeps with the damn thing every night - I don't know if he's scarred for life or what....

Now Allison is concerned that since Daddy has been gone as well..... did I find HIM a new forever home just like Misty??? 'No, Al, Daddy has no such luck.'

I just went through our pictures of the dog to post one and apparently I deleted them all.... hmmmmm ... I didn't do it intentionally... hmmmmm... my mind is taking on a life of it's own!!!

We did get some good news this week! The folks will be here sometime after turkey day. They're leaving the frozen tundra of northern New England and heading south to the frozen swamplands of southeast Texas. (Can you believe it's 33 degrees as I'm writing this!!!) Hopefully they survive the drive down with each other in a van full of $hit and a doped up geriatric cat with no nose.... wouldn't want to be in THAT vehicle!

And then we'll be getting a visit from my dear friend Mrs. Prescott the day after Thanksgiving! She hasn't been to Texas since her infamous visit of 1994 - (Richmond Ave is still reeling from THAT one) but things have changed since then.... :-) We're older now, much, much calmer and have kids (so we can't sleep until noon anymore) Regardless, it'll be an adventure, as it always is when Tray and I get together (even at almost 40).

Danny is running a fever still, so he's pretty puny. God love him... he tries so hard to feel better. It's like the mind is willing even if the body ain't. My kids have been blessed with the gift of running ridiculously high fevers. They tend to hallucinate and their eyes roll back in their heads. It's pretty impressive. When you can get a doctor at an emergency clinic to say 'holy crap' - you know you're on to something!

Allison is in love. I was checking my email on Friday and she asked if she could draw. This is what she "drew" - note that LOVE is underlined... not once - twice. LOVE LOVE - good lord... give me strength. At least Jacob is a nice boy. :-) His mom reprimanded me for putting pop-tarts in Al's lunch kit. I told her to wait until her second born was Al's age... she'd be scrambling for something in the pantry too that wasn't moldy or raw.... I thought I was doing pretty well sending her with a pop-tart instead of a half-eaten box of croutons.

The natives are restless and wanting some breakfast... time to resume my mom duties...

*note to Ricardo.... HURRY HURRY HURRY!

As promised...

The ALWAYS festive Mama.....

Okay, my little sugar bugs were up and dancing around early early early today.

Still on a Halloween high I imagine. Miss Allison was up with me at 3 a.m. discussing the nastiness of mosquitoes as she was scratching away. That was when Daddy decided to come home. Luckily for him, WITH poker winnings... We bandaged Miss Cupcake up and sent her along to bed, I fell back to sleep for a couple more hours and now, here we are.

Isn't it funny that kids STILL get excited about Saturday morning cartoons? They have access to the junk 24/7 - but Saturdays are still the 'promised land' of crappy TV. They are actually even being quiet and leaving me alone.... (as a choir of angels sings 'hallelujah' in the background)

I know that the grandfolks are dying for pics of the kiddos in their glory for without further ado... here are those: and I will continue with my rants afterwards. If anyone wants to stick around. Does anyone actually read this? or do they just look at the pictures (like playboy?)

Please forgive the laziness

okay, okay, okay... so I discovered facebook.....

I know, I know.... there are more constructive things to do with my time. But man! it is SO addicting! (or is it addictive?) Either way... it's killin' me.

Getting little updates - snippits, if you will, about people's comings and goings in their daily lives. It's like being a voyeur... but legal. sorta... I dunno. The entire thing is totally weird to me. I love reading about people doing every day stupid things. I guess I'd rather do that than actually DO the stupid everyday things that I'm SUPPOSED to be DOING. YES! Yet another form of procrastination! Man, I'm good! :-)

Well, today is Halloween and the kids just got back from trick-or-treating. They came back sugared-up to the hilt. Bouncing off the walls with a stash covering the kitchen table. Literally. Check this out.

Rick and I have already picked through and gotten out the stuff that we like. (Parents' prerogative - we rule) and gotten rid of all of the hard candy and junk that we deem as 'bad' (unwrapped crap) and this is what they have left. Crazy, huh? You can see how miserable they are.....

I will be writing more tomorrow and posting more pictures of Danny's field day from school. It was hysterical. He had to 'herd pigs' (no, not real pigs) and i have a general contractor coming to look at my roof and ceiling to see if it can be fixed. - keep those fingers crossed. but for right now, there's a margarita SCREAMING my name and I must run before it wakes my children.... :)

I want that, and that, and that, and that, and that....

Kids can't watch television anymore without being bombarded with this, that AND the other.

As it gets closer to Christmas - (the season apparently starts in August these days) more and more commercials are on with things that the kids just HAVE to have.
Naturally it's every piece of crap imaginable. From Pixos (google it, it's stupid) to some kind of 'easy bake oven wannabe' to Power Ranger weapons to My Little Pony to RC cars and 'Swim To Me Puppy' (that's really dumb).
I think Allison actually saw a harp in a catalog and said that she wanted THAT too. !!?!?!!?

*sigh*

Every time they say they want something I tell them to write it down to ask Santa. I figure if they can get motivated enough to write down something they want, they must really want it. The other stuff is just fluff that's being shoved in their face by the ad agencies.

Needless to say, they've YET to actually write anything down. Too much effort to find a writing utensil apparently.

Well, the Army Corp came out today. Poor kid looked like he was about 21 - said this was his first assessment. He had just flown in from Honolulu. He noticed my Red Sox sweatshirt (yes, I'm all bundled up today, it's in the 60's) and we proceeded to chit chat for 20 minutes about the joy of Big Papi and what a jerk Johnny Damon is and how he belongs in NYC.
He had gone to MIT and was volunteering here because he had seen so much on TV about the damage.
To be truthful, I was kind of embarrassed that I didn't have more damage like a sailboat in my laundry room or something cool. I told him to go and use the resources somewhere else. I could live with my buckets in the living room for a little while longer. Hell, we're not even going to meet our deductible. I told him to go and help out someone with an entire tree in their kitchen.

Let's all pray for clear weather until my contractor can make it back.....

Took Allison to the doctor on Tuesday. Poor thing not only has mono, but 2 ear infections and a sinus infection to boot! Lucky girl! No wonder she's been so miserable! Who could blame her?

I got a phone call from one of the parents of a kid in her class. Apparently my idea of nutrition has caused an uproar in the classroom. When did pop tarts become public enemy number one? So I didn't get to the grocery store over the weekend. So what if she had Ding Dongs, Pop Tarts, a juice box, Frito's, Twizzlers and a somewhat iffy apple. At least I tried. I explained to the other Mom that by child #2, your ideals become a little less 'strict', shall we say.

Heck, I'm just happy that I haven't killed that child yet. We're doing A OK!

*Note to Mom, I took my meds today* :-) (while giving a thumbs up)