Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Polish up that trophy!

Yup, the 'Mother of the Year' trophy is coming my way! I'm SURE of it! There's no question!!

Would you like to hear why I'm so confident that I'll be the next recipient????

Of course you do...

because it will make you that much more positive that even the 'Octo-Mom' is a more able parent than I am....

As many of you know, I don't deal well with mayhem, pressure, clutter and randomness...

(I have enough little voices in my head that make things confusing enough, so adding to that just results in a complete breakdown and usually assuming the fetal position, beer in hand.)

Well... I had no idea that 2nd grade would be this hard. No.... REALLY! I'm not kidding! It's ridiculous! Danny's math abilities have already FAR surpassed mine (to the point that Daddy has to help him with his homework, because, again, Mama assumes the fetal position and cowers in a corner).

There's this new crap where they have to figure stuff out in a window pane pattern or some such nonsense


See???? I told you!!! I did a google search for 'window pane math' and guess what? Cy-Fair ISD is the only one that does it. Lucky me... Lucky, lucky, lucky me...

But, I digress... Actually, I don't know why I was even going on that tangent... I guess to add to my argument that the Octo-Mom has me beat...

Anyways... Danny comes home from school on Monday, homework in hand, attitude galore, and hiccuping like a crazy drunk hobo.

Now, Mondays are stressful around here because after waiting for 45 minutes in car line (the work of the devil, I'm convinced), we need to get home, get homework done, have a snack, get to religious ed, get home and get fed, bathed and brushed and bedded. This is what happens on a "normal" Monday. .. Adding the hiccups to the mix just put us all over the edge.

"Mama?" he says...
"What Dan?"
"I need some hiccup medicine."

You may not be aware that there is hiccup medicine. It's all psychosomatic in my household... Here are my options:
1. pickle juice
2. worcestershire sauce
3. lemon juice

Any one of these, delivered in a spoon, to a member of my family, shocks the system into forgetting about the hiccups. Really... it works.

So in the interest of curing Danny's hiccups *quickly* I gave him a spoonful of pickle juice.

"Um, Mama?"
"What Dan?"
"Um.... hic..... it..... didn't..... hic.... work"
"Oh for Pete's sake, Danny.... Here, try this"
A spoonful of Worcestershire sauce coming up!

Fast forward thirty minutes... Mama has forgotten all about the 'medicine' and is throwing Danny in the car to head to Religious Ed.

"Here, have a cookie and a Danimal...." (liquid yogurt, essentially)

*My stomach is reeling, just typing this

Long story short... well.... you can imagine how green this poor boy was when I picked him up at church.

He went right to bed, without dinner, clutching his stomach saying, 'Mama? Why did you make me eat/drink all that? You made me sick."

I've got a shelf all ready for my trophy...

1 comment:

  1. Firstly, the Window Pane looks like more work all the way around. I'm all for breaking bigger problems down into smaller ones, but are we serious with this? Two kids read a bunch of pages, how many total... just add them together and dispense with the bullshit.
    (Excuse me, inefficiency is one of my OCD hot buttons).
    OK. Now then. As for your triple acting hiccup tonic, I'm nauseous just thinking about it. How it is that the poor child didn't vomit in the car I have no idea. But you tried to help and isn't that worth a few Mom points.
    Dust off that shelf Momma. I have a feeling you're going to need it for the big shiny winners cup.
    And possibly get ready for a gift of another kind the next time Danny has the hiccups.