Monday, August 30, 2010

The Old Gray Mare Just Ain't What She Used to Be

It's 9:47 p.m. as I write this...

I'm flipping exhausted.

Remember back when it was time to go OUT at 10:00 p.m.??? Cripes! What have I become?

Wanna know why I'm so tired????

Because I spent 2 and 1/2 hours up at the school tonight - VOLUNTEERING for my kids' activities.

Cripes, again!

Everything from reading to the class to nature walks to working in the school garden to (eeek) handling reptiles.

WTF? (my mom loves that comment - she can cuss without really cussing)

Where did I go? How did I become a middle aged stay-at-home-mom? Why can I make a mean lasagna now but can't run a half a mile without feeling faint and nauseous?

Did I mention I have to call the exterminator tomorrow? (ADHD is kicking in... sorry) because we have MICE? Ack. Every time I go out to the garage, I see them skittering all over the freakin' place. Ack. Perhaps I'll borrow a reptile from the 3rd grade exhibit to 'take care of business'... :)

Next week I'm going to be 41. (shhhhhhhh) Ally still thinks I'm closer to 80. (ouch)

I don't know which is worse, being 40 and feeling 80 or being 80 and feeling 40. Either way, I'm not sure how it happened. You blink, it's gone.

NOT that I'm saying I want to go back... no. no. no.

It's just strange that these same eyes are looking out of a face that I don't really recognize.

And what the hell are liver spots, by the way?

I guess it beats the alternative.

One of my friends (of my Viviene Westmoreland family) took his own life on August 3rd.

It's been tough.

What to tell the kids?
When do we all feel better?
What to do to help?




One of my Mark's high school buddies said it best at the Memorial service when he said, 'the devil came in and stole my friend in a vulnerable moment.'

He nailed it.

I just wish my friend had seen the devil coming for him. Maybe he could've dodged him.

I've danced with the devil in my past. I'm so glad I made it out alive.

I swear, there's a separate God for idiots and children.

I shouldn't be alive today. (Me, being in the 'idiot' category)

Seeing Danny's face when I told him tonight that I was volunteering for the 'reptile' exhibit at school and hearing him say 'YAY, MOM!' was priceless.

I'm glad the devil decided that I wasn't worth it...

RIP Mark. You are missed every day, my brother.


  1. I love you friend. I know exactly how you feel. How in the world did I make it to this point in my life?? I just don't think that the devil didn't think you were worth it, I know that God thinks you are!!!! You are an amazing woman, friend, wife, mom, and I really miss your bread pudding!! :) The pudding is enough reason for God to keep you here!!!

  2. Just followed your link from your Facebook page. I saw you tonight at the school from far far away. You were sitting up friend like a good kid in class during the assembly and I was in the back. :) You sound like a great mom volunteering to handle reptiles!

  3. I'm glad you posted a link to FB because I haven't been reading the blogs in months and I would have missed this... I'm glad I didn't miss this.

    I don't profess to know what Hell you and your VW family are going through. Your friend's quote is so on the money it's scary... it's perhaps even scarier to think that any of us could hit a low worthy of the Devil. But that's when the simple joys of life mean the most and make us strongest.

    Have you and I gotten off our planned paths since our days at UMASS? That would be a resounding "yes". But have we really changed that much? I'd like to think we're just bringing that same passion to new objectives whether it be me and Gilly singing at the top of our lungs in the car or you letting Ally paint herself Avatar blue. Same passion, different day.

    As for age, we are all getting older and at the same pace - it's an even playing field. The lives of women we may envy have to look at the same clock we do. Perhaps they cringe even more given that they, well no offense to you and me my sistah, but they have farther to fall. But I know exactly what you mean. For me, it's not so much about age (though that definitely comes into play when I'm with my sisters), but weight. I think I'm not that fat until I catch my reflection and then I want to hurl (maybe I should eat in front of a mirror). Who is that person and what is she thinking shoving another slice of pizza in her face?... but that's my demon and a conversation for another day.

    Since my comment is officially now longer than your actually blog post, I'll cut to the chase.
    > Age is a meaningless number unless you're waiting to get your driver's license, to be legal to drink, or to collect social security.
    > Motherhood is a dirty, exhausting job that if done with love and understanding reaps rewards we can't measure or could have never contemplated in our youth.
    > And last, but certainly not least, You Rock!!! ... now go grab one of those snakes from school, take it home and teach those mice in your garage a lesson.